


Everything's An Illusion

by ultsmrk



Series: — johnten;; [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Guardian Angel, M/M, Suicide mention, basically like a christmas carol almost but not that uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 21:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17732930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultsmrk/pseuds/ultsmrk
Summary: "A mother shouldn't witness her son die at twenty-four."Johnny kills himself after being cheated on by longtime boyfriend and who he thought was his soulmate, Jaehyun. His guardian angel, Ten, shows Johnny exactly why he shouldn't have done that.





	Everything's An Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really out here treating my AO3 with quality works, huh. Anyway, trigger warning for suicide. Also, this piece was inspired by the Mayday Parade song "Everything's An Illusion" (I literally use a lyric from the song in the fic.) Enjoy!
> 
> \-- Bunny

Johnny loved Jaehyun. Johnny loved the way his dimples came out when he smiled. Johnny loved the way he laughed, smooth and melodic to Johnny’s ears. Johnny loved the constant aroma of coffee that seemed to hang off of Jaehyun. Johnny loved the way Jaehyun had made him feel.

 

_ Had _ .

 

Breakups were rather inevitable in most relationships. Sometimes people fell out of love, and that was okay. But, Johnny was a rather different type to take breakups. So, when Jaehyun rolled over in bed one night, tearily admitting that when Johnny was away on his two-day photography job for a mutual friends wedding, Jaehyun had cheated on him with a past flame of his, Taeyong, Johnny didn’t take too kindly to the news. 

 

They argued for the rest of that night, and, when Johnny woke up after passing out, Jaehyun was gone, his stuff gone as well. Johnny was alone again, having let who he considered his soulmate walk away.

 

It developed from there. Soon, Johnny was blocked from Jaehyun’s social media -- thousands of Instagram posts where their smiles were immortalised no longer accessible to him. Jaehyun stopped talking to him too; ignoring his texts and his calls. Mutual friends told Johnny how Jaehyun had seemingly moved on, staying with the old flame. Stalking Jaehyun’s Instagram through a private account, he could see how happy the two of them were. 

 

_ And how happy they used to be _ .

 

Tonight was the last night Johnny wants to be alive. A bottle of sleeping pills on his bedside table along with the strongest liquor he could find in the cabinet, Johnny sifts through Jaehyun’s page like he does every night. Jaehyun is smiling, like always. His arm is thrown loosely over Taeyong’s shoulder as they sit in a nightclub booth. They were all loved-up, and it made Johnny so sad that he didn’t know what to do with himself.

 

Sighing, he throws his phone down on the bed and reaches for the pills. Before, he had them due to insomnia; recurring nightmares that had left him shaken and scared, which Jaehyun used to calm him down from by rubbing his back and soothing him back to sleep with a lullaby. But, now, they were to be his eternal slumber. 

 

Knocking them back in one go, and washing them down with the liquor, Johnny lays back on the bed. He curls himself into a ball, hugging his legs tightly as he waits for sleep to take him.

 

A bright light shines in his eyes, making Johnny squint as he sits up. A figure appears; a black-haired man with the most gorgeous white wings greets Johnny with a smile and an outstretched hand. Johnny takes the stranger’s hand and is pulled to his feet. Johnny easily towers over the man, who is dressed in a black leather jackets and ripped jeans. 

 

“Hi-”

 

“Why did you do that?” The man asks. Johnny furrows his brows in confusion. 

 

“Do what?”

 

“Why did you take all those pills?” The man asks again, slightly more irritated that he has to repeat himself. “Why did you kill yourself?”

 

“I-I’m dead?” Johnny asks, eyes widening.

 

“Duh.” The angel rolls his eyes, sighing. “Those pills must’ve messed up your brain.”

 

The man sits on Johnny’s bed with a huff. The gravity of him hitting the bed causes some feathers to fall from his already molting wings. The angel blinks up at a confused Johnny, before he sticks out a hand again.

 

“I’m Ten.” He introduces himself. “Your guardian angel.”

 

“I’m Johnny.” He shakes the angel’s hand. “And, uh. You aren’t very good at your job if I’m dead.”

 

“Funny.” Ten glares up at Johnny, who cracks a small smile and stifles a laugh. “I didn’t know you were planning on dying.”

 

“Aren’t you meant to watch over me?” Johnny asks.

 

“Not all the time. Plus, you were always quite the smart guy - save for when you were five and you fell out of that tree and broke your arm.” Ten shrugs. “I thought I didn’t need to constantly watch you.”

 

“But, that’s beside the point.” Ten pats the empty space next to him, and Johnny sits. “Why did you kill yourself?”

 

Johnny sighs. “He broke up with me. Jaehyun. He is -  _ was -  _ my boyfriend. We were together since Junior year. He was my rock, y’know? Always supporting me, always there with a smile and a warm cup of joe. We met when he was working a shift at the coffee house.”

 

“So, what happened?”

 

“A few months ago, I went on a photography job. Two days, a mutual friend’s wedding up in the hills. While I was away, Jaehyun cheated on me with his old boyfriend.” Johnny explains, gritting his teeth as the name slips through his teeth. “ _ Taeyong _ . A model. That  _ I  _ once photographed.”

 

“Damn.” Ten says, whistling. “Rough.”

 

“Mmhmm.” Johnny sighs again. “Jaehyun cut me out of his life, living it up with his new boo. Leaving me with this heartache. I just can’t take it anymore.”

 

Johnny goes quiet again, his sadness resurfacing as he begins to shake next to this angel, who loosely wraps an arm around him in support. 

 

“Can I say something?” Ten asks, and Johnny nods. “You don’t want to die.”

 

“Yes I do.” Johnny mumbles. “What’s the point of it all? He’s gone, just like that. Doesn’t even care enough to answer my calls or texts. Doesn’t even care.”

 

“You’re wrong.”

 

“No I’-”

 

“Johnny?” He’s cut off as a familiar voice rings through the apartment, and footsteps echo along the wooden floors leading to the bedroom. Johnny’s eyes widen again, as he stands up.

 

“Jaehyun?” He calls out, as the younger man comes into view. Jaehyun catches Johnny, and his face screws up in anguish as he lets out a yell, running towards him.

 

“Johnny?”

 

“Jaehyun, baby, I’m-” Johnny stops himself, as Jaehyun runs straight past Johnny towards the bed, where Johnny’s curled up body lay. Jaehyun keeps calling for Johnny, tears staining his cheeks as the younger boy tries to wake the older, and Johnny turns away from the sight, unable to bear it.

 

“He can’t hear you.” Ten sighs, wrapping an arm around Johnny again as Ten watches the scene in front of him. Ten watches Jaehyun fumble for his phone to dial the paramedics; he watches as the new boyfriend comes into view to tightly hug Jaehyun as he sobs loudly. Ten sighs, batting the scene away with the flick of his wrist.

 

“It’s okay. He’s gone now.”

 

Johnny looks up to a funeral scene. He and Ten are sat in the very back pew, staring up at the congregation of mourners at the front of a church. Sobs fill the empty space as people crowd around a coffin.

 

“Where are we?” Johnny asks.

 

“You’ll see.” Ten says. “It’s about to start.”

 

Ten nods over to the pastor who had just entered the room. As he enters, the mourners scatter to their seats. Johnny then is able to see that he’s at his own funeral. 

 

“My funeral?” Johnny asks, turning to Ten. “This is for me?”

 

“Duh, you’re dead, remember?”

 

“But, Jaehyun-” Ten shushes the confused man, nodding up to the congregation where Jaehyun, donning a suit and tie and looking like Hell, was stood at a podium. Jaehyun taps the small microphone three times, clearing his throat and speaking.

 

“I’ve known Johnny since Junior year of high school.” Jaehyun’s voice was hoarse due to months of crying. Sniffles and muffled sobs travel along the mourners, and Johnny cannot take his eyes away from the man who left him, the man he loved, the man he lost.

 

“I was working my shift at the coffee house near our school, when Johnny comes in with a digital camera in hand and asks for a black coffee. He’d just been shooting some birds in the park - those were his muse, he always told me.”

 

Johnny smiles fondly at the memory of their first meeting. From the moment he saw Jaehyun behind the counter, serving each customer - no matter how cranky and entitled they came across to be - with a friendly smile and a sunny disposition, Johnny had instantly fallen in love. Of course, he couldn’t come out and say that there and then. It took time, of course. But, Jaehyun was worth the wait.

 

“Johnny.. was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.” Jaehyun went on, nervously picking at his nails as he reads from the eulogy he prepared. He then stares straight ahead, straight at where Johnny was sat, which made Johnny even more fixated on the scene. “And I fucked that all up. I did. I never wanted to hurt him; he was my rock, he was my everything. Johnny was always there, and always so forgiving, and I took that for granted.”

 

“I just hope that wherever he is now,” Jaehyun sighs, letting his tears drop onto the page that he reads from. “I hope that he forgives me.”

 

“You see?” Ten whispers. “I told you, you’re wrong. Jaehyun  _ does  _ care about you. He put this all together, for you. He still thinks about you, he still loves you.”

 

“But he’s with-”

 

“Just because he’s with someone else, doesn’t mean he’s fully moved on. Just because you aren’t with someone anymore, doesn’t mean you still can’t care about them and love them. You just may love them a little different as to how you used to.”

 

They sit through more of the funeral scene, as Johnny watches family members and friends each come up and cry their eyes out over how wonderful Johnny was, and how he was taken away so soon, and that he will forever be loved by so many people. Like before, it all becomes too much for Johnny to bear, and he hides his face in Ten’s wings as Ten feels Johnny cry into the feathers. 

 

Ten waves his hand, wiping the scene away and returning the pair back to Johnny’s room. They sit side-by-side on the bed, as Ten comforts a sobbing Johnny by rubbing his back slowly and soothing him. Johnny slowly processes the millions of thoughts running through his mind. 

 

“So..?”

 

“So, that doesn’t mean to say you’ve lost your soulmate, Mr. Romantic.” Ten rolls his eyes again, cracking a small smile. “He’s still out there. And, someday, he’ll come into your life and perhaps even save you from this pain you’re feeling. Because, Johnny Seo, I know you don’t want to die.”

 

“How do you know that?” Johnny asks, wiping his tears with his sleeve. 

 

“Because,” Ten explains, a knowing smile on his face. “You just don’t want to hurt anymore, and you want the pain to go away but you don’t know how to properly take it away, so you figured this was your only option. But, it isn’t. And, not to sound like a parent or anything, but there’s plenty more fish in the sea.”

 

Johnny sighs, dejected. Ten was right - Johnny didn’t actually want to die, deep down. Johnny just didn’t like feeling so hurt, but, Johnny didn’t know how to properly handle his feelings - clearly.

 

“A mother shouldn’t witness her son die at twenty-four.” Ten tells him. 

 

“You’re right, I guess.”

 

“Good.” Ten smiles. “You’re waking up.”

 

“Huh?” Johnny asks, as he feels something rising in his throat.

 

“Wake up, Johnny.” Ten’s voice was becoming more clearer, and the feeling in Johnny’s throat was becoming more sickly. “You don’t want to die.”

 

Johnny retches, throwing up the contents of his stomach on the bed. He feels fingers being removed from where they were pressing on the back of his throat. Dazed, Johnny looks up at the figure that cradles him on the bed - black hair, a nice smile and the smell of a leather jacket. The face was familiar; his guardian angel.

 

“Uh, hi.” He says, moving away from Johnny as he slowly comes to his senses. “Uh, this must seem weird. I’m Ten. Your next door neighbour?”

 

“My guardian angel.” Johnny mumbles, rubbing his temple as he sits up, surprised that he wasn’t actually dead.

 

“I guess you could say that too.” Ten giggles, a smooth laugh that ignites a spark within Johnny. “I usually can hear you through the walls - singing along to music or whatever. But, tonight I couldn’t hear much. Then I heard screaming and assumed the worst, which was you on the verge of death.”

 

“You saved me.”

 

“Yeah.” Ten says. “You’re welcome.”

 

“Thank you.” Johnny apologises meekly, rubbing his arm. “I didn’t really wanted to die, I just wanted-”

 

“The pain to go away.” Ten finishes his sentence, a half-smile tugging at his lips. “I’ve been there, it’s cool. Don’t feel that you gotta explain yourself.”

 

Johnny nods with a sigh, and Ten goes on. “I’ll stay here tonight; to make sure you’re okay and all that. That is, if you think you’ll need me?”

 

“I’ll be fine.” Johnny waves him off. “I had quite the reality check, you could say.”

 

“Alright.” Ten gives him a small smile. “If you do need me, though, I’ll leave my door unlocked. Just come by and crash on the couch.”

 

“Thanks.” Johnny smiles back, getting up to see the smaller man out. As Johnny shuts the front door when Ten leaves, that same spark from earlier came back. The same feeling Johnny got when he first saw Jaehyun; the burning sensation deep in his heart that made it feel like it was gonna burst at any moment. 

 

Words ring through Johnny’s mind as he heads back to bed that night, hitting him loud and clear.

 

_ That doesn’t mean to say you’ve lost your soulmate, Mr. Romantic. He’s still out there. And, someday, he’ll come into your life and perhaps even save you from this pain you’re feeling. _


End file.
